The Orpheus myth, via rhyme

By | December 12, 2009

Now let me tell you bout my man Orpheus
He wasn’t the kind of guy to drive around in a prius
Naw, he was a pretty down to earth kind of guy
He had this girl, she was pretty fly
But then she had to go and die
Now this girls name was Eurydice
And she filled Orpheus up with idiocy
And so when she was killed most hideously
She cause Orpheus to cry most piteously
Orpheus went down to old man Hades
And said “Man, I ain’t got no rabies”
All I know is you got plenty of ladies
And I just want back my baby
Hades said a few different things
He said “Orpheus, I know you only just gave her that ring
And before that it was much more than a fling
And her death has taken away your ability to sing”
So I’ll give her back to you on just one condition,
Because you are such a fine musician,
As you embark on your expedition
Your head must remain in a forward position
Orpheus said that he could accede to that
And off he went with a rat-a-tat-tat
Off into the never-ending black
With Eurydice’s eyes boring a hole in his back
Now my man Orpheus nearly reached the light
But those eyes on his back were an un-ignorable blight
He just had to have Eurydice in his sight
The last thing he saw of her was her dress so white
When he turned around old man Hermes
Picked Eurydice up by the back of the knees
(He did it with a bit of a sneeze)
And flew away without so much as a please
And now Orpheus was exceedingly sad
He wrote some new songs which were pretty rad
Until the harpies showed up at his pad
And decided to take his torso home and call it Chad
His head floated down past his momma the muse
All the while it was singing the blues
And while with his lack of lungs this is bound to confuse
It’s Orpheus; so it ain’t exactly news
And that right there is the end of my story
I’m sorry it wasn’t full of blood and glory
But it was the story that needed to be told
Even if in this day and age it’s getting kind of old

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