Fix Your Fucking English.

Having been on the internet, and having used the world wide web since around 1995, I’ve seen trends in spelling errors which seem to crop up over the years. The more they’re used misspelt or misplaced, the more their misuse grows. This post isn’t about being grammatically correct, as it seems to be less of a problem on the internet than flat out blatant failure to spell common words (so it’s/its won’t be here). I know hundreds of these articles exist already, but I’m going to attempt to make this one slightly more comprehensive.  Here are some examples:

1) Your/You’re – I can’t believe this spelling error is still around. After all these years, kids are still coming out of school with the inability to distinguish between a word that denotes ownership (your) and an abbreviation of the word YOU ARE. I’ll use it in a sentence, so if you’re one of these people, you can see how to use the word properly. “YOU’RE FUCKING RETARDED. GO AND SLIT YOUR FUCKING WRISTS.”

2) There/They’re/Their – Another 3 words idiots fuck up. As if it’s not bad enough that you were taught this shit in grade 1 or 2, in an attempt to sanitize your retardation as early as possible. But no, this remains one of the worst offenders. There denotes a location. Their denotes ownership, and they’re is like you’re – its short for THEY ARE. Let me use these in a sentence for you. “THERE ARE SOME RAZORS IN THE BATHROOM. THEIR BEST USE IS FOR SLITTING YOUR THROAT WITH. THEY’RE VERY USEFUL FOR REMOVING IDIOTS LIKE YOU FROM THE GENE POOL.”

3) Then/Than. This is a reasonably new trend on the internet, or so I’ve seen. Apparently people think that than and then are the same word. Then denotes a time, whereas than is comparitive. Using then in place of than is ultra retarded. If you pronounce them both the same, you should be shot at point blank. Heres a handy sentence: “DO A BETTER JOB THAN MICHAEL JACKSON. TAKE A SHOTGUN, THEN BLOW YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF.”

4) Amok – I’ve seen this plenty of times – people saying they’re “running a muck”. It’s not a muck, it’s amok. They’re very barely even pronounced similar. This is one of those words you probably only saw at school 2 or 3 times in your entire time there, so it could almost be excusable – except running A MUCK doesn’t actually make sense. Muck is dirt, or the likes. You’re running a dirt? what? Fuck you. Sentence: “I’M GOING TO LOAD THIS SHOTGUN, AND RUN AMOK IN YOUR HOUSE LOOKING FOR YOU.”

5) Definitely – This word is one of the harder ones to spell, as depending on your pronounciation of the word, your brain may be tricked into thinking it has an A in it, or no Is at all. This is a fallacy. The word has finite in it – like infinite, which no one seems to spell “infenate”. Its about time you started using this word properly. Sentence: “I WILL DEFINITELY FUCKING KILL YOU IF YOU DONT LEARN TO SPELL”

6) Ridiculous – This word stems from the word Ridicule – as in to make fun of someone or something. It doesn’t magically change its base letters before the extension, nor does it change colour to red. Sentence: “YOUR RIDICULOUS LACK OF LITERACY SKILL IS GOING TO GET YOU MURDERED ONE DAY.”

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