Bob’ s Educational Corner, at the coercion of the American Propoganda, Education, Science, and History Institute of Theology, is proud to present the following.
Hey kids! This is Billy. Billy is 16, the captain of his highschool football team, and the lead singer of his church choir. Say hi to the people, Billy! Oh, you can’t hear him out there, but he says hello.
Today, Billy is going to pick up his number one girl, Jezebel. Jezebel is also 16, the lead cheerleader for Billy’s team, and inferior, because she is a girl. Say hi to the people, Jezebel! You can’t hear it, but that’s okay, because we don’t care what women say.
Billy and Jezebel are going for a picnic in the park. Then they’re gonna watch a movie and go back to Billy’s place for bible study. But be careful, Billy! She’s pretty and does your homework for you, but she’s also a vessel of sin. And you know what sin leads to? Quiet, Jezebel, the men are talking. That’s right, Billy, even though you didn’t say anything. Sin leads to TEEN PREGNANCY.
Teen pregnancy is a problem sweeping the nation. You see, when a man and a woman love each other very much, they get married and, once a month, they do something boring and unpleasant until the woman gets pregnant. Then they sleep in seperate rooms and, nine months later, a baby is born!
But sometimes, a foul woman convinces a man to do this thing outside of marriage. As Satan inspired her to do this, she can use foul magic to cloud a man’s mind and make him agree. (Sometimes she’ll try to put an evil ward on the man which she purchased at the drugstore, but this is so evil that most men can resist.) When this happens, the woman gets pregnant with sin. We call this TEEN PREGNANCY.
Women who get teen pregnant are outcasts, wandering the earth in search of good Christians to feed on. They are shunned by their loved ones and spat on in the street, assuming it isn’t a Sunday, when it isn’t right to spit. Their unholy lust can only be sated by cruel acts of debauchery and sin, or removed by marrying a man and being purified by God’s love. God’s love can also be obtained for a nominal fee at any participating church, but it should be noted that most women spend all their money on shoes and weird bottles that turn up in the bathroom, so this is usually not an option.
Uh oh, it looks like Jezebel is trying to fill Billy’s head with lies. Don’t listen to her, Billy, she’s trying to- my word, young lady, such language! You see what Satan’s influence does, Billy? Run! Run away from the harlot! Hah, I’m just the narrator, what’re you going to do, throw that at the fourth wall? Wait a second, that camera’s expensive, don’t do it you little-
We here at Bob’s Educational Corner would like to sincerely apologize for this. Good night everyone!