In honor of Thanksgiving, tonight’s edition of “Bob’s Educational Corner” will be a musical history of the holiday. Unfortunately, Bono had to cancel at the last minute, but we were able to hire a local musical group called “Zombies for Tofu”, who I’m told will sing an original composition they call “Happy Thanksgiving!”. Let’s see if they’re ready.
*Lights dim, spotlight illuminates stage. A greasy mass of hair, tattoos, and piercings takes the mic.* “Hi, we’re ‘Zombies for Tofu.’ Tonight, we’re gonna sing you a song from our new album, ‘Eating Babies For Breakfast’, available now from the trunk of Steve’s mom’s station wagon. Here’s ‘Happy Thanksgiving!'”
Thanksgiving is a time
When the Pilgrims and the Indian people
Got together to kill turkeys
And serve small animals with pie
Satan likes pie
Nobody said that
But everyone there knew it
And then the Indians got smallpox
Given to them by Satan
And also blankets full of smallpox
but mostly Satan
Cause Satan loves pie
Does a lot of shit for pie
He’d kill you for a pie
And then he’d eat your soul
Cause it tastes just like a pie
Though without the creamy toppings
And more soul aftertaste
And I see you baked a pie
Full of pumpkin I presume
Cause you do that for Thanksgiving
So I’m giving thanks to Satan
And now he ate your pie!
That you worked so hard to make!
And he killed off all your house plants!
Cause he’s Satan and he does that!
Bob’s Educational Corner would like to remind everyone that the views expressed by our guests do not necessarily represent the views of this show or this website. Goodnight!