Bob’s Educational Corner: Thanksgiving

In honor of Thanksgiving, tonight’s edition of “Bob’s Educational Corner” will be a musical history of the holiday. Unfortunately, Bono had to cancel at the last minute, but we were able to hire a local musical group called “Zombies for Tofu”, who I’m told will sing an original composition they call “Happy Thanksgiving!”. Let’s see if they’re ready.

*Lights dim, spotlight illuminates stage. A greasy mass of hair, tattoos, and piercings takes the mic.* “Hi, we’re ‘Zombies for Tofu.’ Tonight, we’re gonna sing you a song from our new album, ‘Eating Babies For Breakfast’, available now from the trunk of Steve’s mom’s station wagon. Here’s ‘Happy Thanksgiving!'”
Thanksgiving is a time

When the Pilgrims and the Indian people

Got together to kill turkeys

And serve small animals with pie

Satan likes pie

Nobody said that

But everyone there knew it

And then the Indians got smallpox

Given to them by Satan

And also blankets full of smallpox

but mostly Satan

Happy Thanksgiving!

Cause Satan loves pie

Does a lot of shit for pie

He’d kill you for a pie

And then he’d eat your soul

Cause it tastes just like a pie

Though without the creamy toppings

And more soul aftertaste

And I see you baked a pie

Happy Thanksgiving!

Full of pumpkin I presume

Cause you do that for Thanksgiving

So I’m giving thanks to Satan

And now he ate your pie!

That you worked so hard to make!

And he killed off all your house plants!

Cause he’s Satan and he does that!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!

FROM SATAN!

Bob’s Educational Corner would like to remind everyone that the views expressed by our guests do not┬ánecessarily┬árepresent the views of this show or this website. Goodnight!

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