Category Archives: Food

Bachelor Recipes – “Stuffed” Potatoes

I love potatoes. They’re the best vegetable there is. And I’m gonna show you how to make awesome “stuffed” potatoes. The “stuffed” is in quotes because stuffing them implies removing potato to make room for filling. We’re not doing that here. That’s a waste of potato. Instead we’re gonna layer everything on top and microwave the shit out of it (or bake it if you’re pedantic)

Ingredients:
6 medium potatoes
Cheddar cheese
2-3 rashers of bacon
a tomato
steak seasoning (optional)

About 6 medium-size potatoes
6 medium-size potatoes

Wash your potatoes and place them into a microwave safe dish

Put the potatoes in a microwave dish and seal the lid
don’t forget to seal them in tight.

Put them in the microwave for around 12 minutes. I’ve never had a potato explode, but if you have, prick them first. I don’t usually

cut up 2-3 rashers of bacon, and 12 slices of cheese (two per potato), and dice your tomato
stuff you’ll be layering onto your potatoes

Cut up your ingredients: dice the bacon and tomato, and cut about two slices of cheese per potato

once the potatoes are cooked, cut each one in half
cut each one in half

Once your potatoes are ready, slice them in half like so

place them on a plate like so
place them on a plate like so

Plate them up, add optional steak seasoning to them if you like

layer the bacon onto them. You can also put steak seasoning on the potato halves first before you put bacon on them if you like
layer the bacon onto them.

Layer bacon onto them.

layer the tomato on top
layer the tomato on top

Now layer the tomato on top of that

you want about 1 slice per half a potato
you want about 1 slice per half a potato

Start to layer the cheese over each potato, you’ll probably have leftover cheese after you cover everything

layer the remaining cheese on top
layer the remaining cheese on top

Just layer the rest of the cheese over what you’ve put down already

microwave for around 6 minutes
microwave for around 6 minutes

Microwave at high power in a 1000w microwave oven for about 6 minutes. You can probably bake or grill them too, and they should be as good if not better. This is the easy way, I like easy.

voila!
voila!

Plate and serve. These are super full of fat and salt, so they’ll probably give you a heart attack.

Enjoy

Bob’s Educational Corner: Thanksgiving

In honor of Thanksgiving, tonight’s edition of “Bob’s Educational Corner” will be a musical history of the holiday. Unfortunately, Bono had to cancel at the last minute, but we were able to hire a local musical group called “Zombies for Tofu”, who I’m told will sing an original composition they call “Happy Thanksgiving!”. Let’s see if they’re ready.

*Lights dim, spotlight illuminates stage. A greasy mass of hair, tattoos, and piercings takes the mic.* “Hi, we’re ‘Zombies for Tofu.’ Tonight, we’re gonna sing you a song from our new album, ‘Eating Babies For Breakfast’, available now from the trunk of Steve’s mom’s station wagon. Here’s ‘Happy Thanksgiving!'”
Thanksgiving is a time

When the Pilgrims and the Indian people

Got together to kill turkeys

And serve small animals with pie

Satan likes pie

Nobody said that

But everyone there knew it

And then the Indians got smallpox

Given to them by Satan

And also blankets full of smallpox

but mostly Satan

Happy Thanksgiving!

Cause Satan loves pie

Does a lot of shit for pie

He’d kill you for a pie

And then he’d eat your soul

Cause it tastes just like a pie

Though without the creamy toppings

And more soul aftertaste

And I see you baked a pie

Happy Thanksgiving!

Full of pumpkin I presume

Cause you do that for Thanksgiving

So I’m giving thanks to Satan

And now he ate your pie!

That you worked so hard to make!

And he killed off all your house plants!

Cause he’s Satan and he does that!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!

FROM SATAN!

Bob’s Educational Corner would like to remind everyone that the views expressed by our guests do not necessarily represent the views of this show or this website. Goodnight!

Bob’s Educational Corner: Science

On tonight’s episode of Bob’s Educational Corner, we are proud to present “Science”.

Science. It’s all around us. If you turn on a TV, or eat an ice cream cone, or bludgeon a homeless man to death with an oscilloscope, you are enjoying the benefits of science. It enriches our lives and plagues our dreams, and is one of the most important parts of a balanced breakfast. But science can’t happen by itself, unless it’s also a wizard, but that is stupid and so are you for thinking it. Science requires The Scientific Method, so let us first examine The Scientific Method.

The Scientific Method was invented in 1776 by Al Gore (Al Gore is best known for his invention of The Scientific Method, and for being mentioned in this article). He discovered that, if you heat a test tube in a Bunsen burner while wearing a white lab coat, the very fabric of the universe itself will bend to your whim. With The Scientific Method, he was able to create America, simply by willing it into existence. Then he banged a hot Asian lab assistant and took a nap. This laid the foundation of all modern science.

Try an experiment. Close your eyes and fall off a cliff. Did you notice that you hit the ground? If not, you should seek medical attention. But if you did, you just experienced science! And should seek medical attention. But why did you fall? You fell because your body was attracted to science particles in the ground. These particles are named Fred and Suzanne, so pick the one that makes you feel better about yourself. Every object, no matter how large or small, is filled with science. Sometimes this takes the form of particles, like in the ground. But science is not limited to particles!

Science comes in many forms. This sentence, which is being beamed directly into your eyeballs through your computer, is filled with delicious sciencey jelly. Your clothes, if you’re wearing any, you perv, are composed of long strands of science, woven together by skilled scienticians, who love working with science to make your day better. They love it so much, in fact, that they often work all day for free, not even stopping to eat or sleep. Their dedication is inspiring, and is itself composed of sticky nodules of science.

Every year, Scienticians, which are people who study science and are very good in bed*, discover new types of science. They use sophisticated instruments, such as the monocle, to probe every aspect of existence in their search for science. No location is too remote to investigate in their quest. Recently, for example, science was discovered in the deepest jungles of South America. Braving harsh weather and enraged hippies, Scienticians bulldozed these jungles and salted the earth, causing the science to rise to the top. Through careful study, it was determined that this science caused laboratory animal’s skin to turn golden brown, then explode. Tanning lotion containing this science is already available in most major stores.

We have only scratched the surface of science, but I hope your sense of wonder has been kindled. If you would like to learn more about science, you can write your local congressman and ask for an informational packet. You can also use LSD, which is so full of science that you’ll think your head is going to explode because there are, like, so many monkeys in your brain. And to answer your question, yes- the monkeys are also made of science. Good night, and good learning!

*This statement paid for by the American Society of Scienticians.

Woodland Creatures Out for Revenge

You thought you were safe, didn’t you?  With your lidded trash can and your double-pane windows and that big front door of yours.  Indoors stays in, outdoors stays out.  Or does it?

There’s been a spate of animals taking the next step.  They’re tired of being on the outside looking in.  We’re just upright, hairless apes.  We can’t even hold our own against an angry dog half the time if we’re bare-handed.  Each year plenty of humans are killed or maimed by pets.  Okay it may have been unfair to use Trevor the face-eating chimpanzee as an example.  But you can find plenty of reports of people who have discovered that a dog was not their best friend.

These gentle woodland animals, long venerated in such movies as <insert Disney film here>, are catching on.  “Why, if they can be defeated by an animal they willingly keep in their homes, surely I too can get some of this civilization action.”  They’re not kidding.  Lots of them are throwing off the shackles of living outside and eating from the ground and checking into the Hotel Fancypants.

Nowadays animals are tired of having to walk everywhere when humans can ride.  We might try to tell them that having four legs is plenty enough appendages to go where they need to go without a lot of fuss but I don’t think they believe us.  Witness these adorable (and probably delicious) little goats, trying to get on the bus without paying any fare.  Aren’t they adorable?  Lazy-asses.

Know what’s less cute than a goat on the bus but infinitely scarier?  A bear.  Eating your ice cream.  Let’s have a look at some of the shenanigans bears have been up to in people’s homes:

“They went into my sister’s room and pooped on her bed. But they didn’t touch her Hannah Montana poster.”
—Danielle Hyde, 7 (Did you have a good laugh, Danielle?)

“I was in Indonesia when I got a call: A bear had gotten inside my house and set off the alarm. He battered down two doors; after that he was a perfect gentlemen. All he took was a tub of java chip Starbucks ice cream and a five-gallon tin of popcorn.”
—Tower Snow Jr., 59, homeowner (If you’d had Ben & Jerry’s he’d have come back)

What do the experts say?  “People need to understand they’re not coming to kill us, they’re coming to eat our Hershey’s chocolate.”  They’re tired of our shit.  They have to live outside and hunt for food while the most hunting we do is trying to find what cabinet we hid the cookies in.  They’re onto us and I don’t think they’re about to give up convenience foods now.

Bears and goats aren’t the only ones involved in the animal invasion cabal.  Deer like snacks too, but even better than that they’re acutely aware of where to receive medical help.  In case you’re looking for a deer date, you’ll find some deer like to look pretty and others are into tackle football.  Some of the more sensitive deer may attempt to redecorate your bathroom.

Look at that last link.  I mean look at the sheer amount of “related content” which has “deer” or deer-related terms in it.  Remember when deer were shy and they ran away, flashing their white tails at you when you startled them?  No more, man.  No more.  Now they’re all up in your grill, shopping at your stores and taking themselves to the vet.

If I were you I’d beware.  I’d be real careful and cast a jaundiced eye at that 12-point barista if I were you, because honestly at this rate you’re just going to think you’re hallucinating when he starts talking to you.  And while you’re standing there wondering about it he’s gonna drink your coffee.

I feel like breaking a pattern today (In other news, CAKE!)

Notice the lack of alliteration?
Today, I got a cake. The details are non-critical, but I got a cake, and I shared it with people because I can’t eat an entire fucking cake by myself. It was good cake. Chocolate with this semi-mintish frosting, and m&ms on top. I lacked eating utensils, so most of us ate with our hands. Quite honestly, it’s the best way to eat cake. Fuck this slices shit.

Also: ReactOS and Haiku

Two open source operating systems I’ve been following for a while now. Haiku is quite a bit further along, but their goal is far less ambitious. Just thought i would give a heads-up to anyone looking for an OS in a few years.