Category Archives: Rants

Ranting and raving (or Raeving should I say – get it?) about topics of interest.

An Atomic Existence

Have you ever wondered the things your eyes have seen, when they weren’t your eyes? The atoms that build them flowing through the universe since the beginning of time, or if time is non-linear – infinitely. The star they were born in is long dead by now, and they’ve been everywhere throughout the universe, your eyes have seen everything. Yet they can not show you what they have seen, for they can not perceive their surroundings. Unlike yourself. You’ve been lucky enough to have been born as an organism. A piece of the universe, like the stars and the planets, but with absolutely no explanation of your existence. If the atoms you were built from could show you what they have seen, could you perceive it? Would your capacity to understand and to interpret their reality be advanced enough to process the infinite stream of information tied to the atoms? Are we as a part of the universe old enough to even begin to understand the reason for anything? An infinite amount of human races in an infinite amount of universes, all having pondered the purpose for our existence, yet no conclusive cause exists. Do we even want to know? And would knowing make us better for it?

Just something thats been buzzing in my head for a few days. I think I’m going mad, but that might be fun. Who knows?

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Woodland Creatures Out for Revenge

You thought you were safe, didn’t you?  With your lidded trash can and your double-pane windows and that big front door of yours.  Indoors stays in, outdoors stays out.  Or does it?

There’s been a spate of animals taking the next step.  They’re tired of being on the outside looking in.  We’re just upright, hairless apes.  We can’t even hold our own against an angry dog half the time if we’re bare-handed.  Each year plenty of humans are killed or maimed by pets.  Okay it may have been unfair to use Trevor the face-eating chimpanzee as an example.  But you can find plenty of reports of people who have discovered that a dog was not their best friend.

These gentle woodland animals, long venerated in such movies as <insert Disney film here>, are catching on.  “Why, if they can be defeated by an animal they willingly keep in their homes, surely I too can get some of this civilization action.”  They’re not kidding.  Lots of them are throwing off the shackles of living outside and eating from the ground and checking into the Hotel Fancypants.

Nowadays animals are tired of having to walk everywhere when humans can ride.  We might try to tell them that having four legs is plenty enough appendages to go where they need to go without a lot of fuss but I don’t think they believe us.  Witness these adorable (and probably delicious) little goats, trying to get on the bus without paying any fare.  Aren’t they adorable?  Lazy-asses.

Know what’s less cute than a goat on the bus but infinitely scarier?  A bear.  Eating your ice cream.  Let’s have a look at some of the shenanigans bears have been up to in people’s homes:

“They went into my sister’s room and pooped on her bed. But they didn’t touch her Hannah Montana poster.”
—Danielle Hyde, 7 (Did you have a good laugh, Danielle?)

“I was in Indonesia when I got a call: A bear had gotten inside my house and set off the alarm. He battered down two doors; after that he was a perfect gentlemen. All he took was a tub of java chip Starbucks ice cream and a five-gallon tin of popcorn.”
—Tower Snow Jr., 59, homeowner (If you’d had Ben & Jerry’s he’d have come back)

What do the experts say?  “People need to understand they’re not coming to kill us, they’re coming to eat our Hershey’s chocolate.”  They’re tired of our shit.  They have to live outside and hunt for food while the most hunting we do is trying to find what cabinet we hid the cookies in.  They’re onto us and I don’t think they’re about to give up convenience foods now.

Bears and goats aren’t the only ones involved in the animal invasion cabal.  Deer like snacks too, but even better than that they’re acutely aware of where to receive medical help.  In case you’re looking for a deer date, you’ll find some deer like to look pretty and others are into tackle football.  Some of the more sensitive deer may attempt to redecorate your bathroom.

Look at that last link.  I mean look at the sheer amount of “related content” which has “deer” or deer-related terms in it.  Remember when deer were shy and they ran away, flashing their white tails at you when you startled them?  No more, man.  No more.  Now they’re all up in your grill, shopping at your stores and taking themselves to the vet.

If I were you I’d beware.  I’d be real careful and cast a jaundiced eye at that 12-point barista if I were you, because honestly at this rate you’re just going to think you’re hallucinating when he starts talking to you.  And while you’re standing there wondering about it he’s gonna drink your coffee.

FUCK TREEHUGGERS.

After reading this: http://e360.yale.edu/content/feature.msp?id=2210 Apocalypse Fatigue: Losing the Public on Climate Change; even as the climate science becomes more definitive, polls show that public concern in the United States about global warming has been declining. What will it take to rally Americans behind the need to take strong action on cutting carbon emissions?

I decided to respond by saying this:
Fuck you.
I’m gonna keep burning gas and other carbon producing fuels, I see no reason to change. we can genetically engineer algae and bacteria to process it (co2/other greenhouse gasses) into fuel (bio-butanol, etc),  besides the earth has created more co2 on its own than humans have in the entire span of their existence. It all comes down to control. They want you to do what they want. No freedom in sight. They want to tax you to death because you’re living. The tree-huggers are the biggest communists out there, trust me I know, I used to be one. My suggestion is this: burn gas, eat meat (fuck you PETA, I’ll eat what I goddamn well please. Can you bring it to me still bleeding? (I was a vegetarian for 2 years, I felt like ass the whole time.)), get laid as much as possible, die happy.  Ahem, waitress? Another steak please. Whats that?  Sure I’ll take it wrapped in bacon, just make sure the steak is pink in the middle.

edit 11/17/09 GMT -6: removed “in a single volcanic eruption” as it was pointed out to be factually inaccurate by someone QQ’ing

Metaphysical Munchies May Make Many Men Masturbate Mildly

I recently finished watching the show Odyssey 5, created by one Manny Coto. Remember that name. Do not watch this show. It is one of the most awesome shows ever, but the finale is non-existent. They never finished the show. Someone may tell you how awesome it is, and they would be right, but you could save yourself a whole lot of mental anguish by not watching it. This in itself would not be postworthy, except for the fact that Manny Coto is also responsible for the 4th season of Enterprise, with its notoriously bad finale. I have therefore come to a conclusion. The sonofabitch is out to ruin good tv for everyone. He’s like a vampire, only instead of blood he drinks lack of closure. I therefore propose a boycott of anything he works on in the future, until he learns how to do a real finale.

There’s a Shameful Train a-Boardin’

The Public Shame Glory Train is now departing.  First stop: Griekspoor & Border.

When you’re nine years old, $80 is a lot.  When it’s $80 for your birthday, that’s awesome!  One young Miss Marissa Holland received two gift cards for her birthday and went out shopping, probably thrilled to have her very own money.  Being a kid and possibly not thinking clearly in all the excitement (or at all, but she’s 9 and this stuff happens) she sat them on a store shelf.

Enter the swoopers: Tina Griekspoor and Evelyn Border, 35 and 56, respectively.  They saw these gift cards on the store shelf, with the child’s name on them, and did what they felt was right- paid for their shit.  How awesome is that?  Not very.  Worse, they went back and tried to purchase MORE things with the child’s gift.  Really?

It may not have been the smartest thing for the girl to do, putting the cards on the shelf and not in her pocket but we have no idea what prompted her to do that.  And remember, she’s nine.  I think, however, we can safely say what prompted these two ladies to snatch her gift cards, however, and in that we can see they had no shame.

Well, didn’t.  Thanks to some creative adjudication, Griekspoor and Border got to be the stars of the show and receive the shame they so desperately lacked.  The two of them, a mother and daughter sad-sack show, got to stand in front of their local courthouse in what is apparently the center of town holding signs which read “I stole from a 9-year-old girl on her birthday!  Don’t steal or this could happen to you!”  For 4.5 hours they held up these enormous signs with their six-inch-high letters, and Marissa’s mother drove her past so she could see not only the women who stole from her, but the price one pays when public shaming is at work.

Whatever happened to public shaming?  When did we become a society which is afraid to make people feel that they should be ashamed of themselves and what they’ve done?  Whenever public shaming happens it’s somehow seen as a big deal.  We can look at the Korean Train Dog Poop Girl or the more recent Rotten MySpace Mom cases and see where public shaming is as effective as or more effective than anything which can be done by law.  Do you think Griekspoor and Border would have changed their ways if they didn’t have to spend half a workday in the middle of town telling everyone they are heartless gift-snatchers?  I doubt it.

Some people are against public shaming.  In the case of Dog Poop Girl, people decried the release of her information into the public sphere.  No, it most certainly was not right to harass her family and tell everyone her business.  At the same time, however, the right of the public to bring shame to someone who doesn’t have it for themselves has long been upheld.  Dog Poop Girl gave less than a fuck about decorum or anyone’s health or even the right of her fellow riders not to slip in a pile of dog crap, and for her clear demonstration that she has no shame, the internet brought her some.  Lori Drew, who with not a drop of self-control precipitated and participated in a charade which sent a young girl to take her own life, was similarly exposed and shamed by the internet.  You may argue whether the young girl in question was already messed up or whatever.  That is hardly the point.  The point is that Lori Drew, a grown-ass woman, knew better.

Public shaming has had a long and storied history throughout the world as a way to punish without removing someone from society.  The idea is that if you can’t access your inner shame before you do something stupid, society will help.  It’s one thing to do your crime in secret and even to go to jail for it.  That’s a function of law and order, but unless you’re all over the papers nobody has to know what you’ve done.  In public shaming, however, your name and face become synonymous with whatever careless, antisocial act you have perpetrated and now everyone knows what you’ve done.  Worse, they all know you don’t know how to act.  They can avoid you.  They can talk about you.  They can mock you, point and laugh, they can choose to pity you or to avoid you altogether because now they know what kind of person you are.

There’s hardly any way of getting out of that.

Ten Tiny Tigers Titillate Twenty Terrifyingly Turgid Old Men

Microsoft Windows.

90% of you use it. That’s right, I’m looking at YOU. Probably using XP, you wanker.

Up until yesterday, I have had the privilege of using Windows 7. While certainly an excellent operating system, I have come to an epiphany by way of hardware failure. Specifically, my mobo started failing, and rather than (to use a metaphor) drown like a rat, I grabbed a lifeboat (namely a pentium 3). Running at only 450mhz, I didn’t want to screw around with XP, so I downloaded and installed rusty, trusty windows 2000. And I was astounded by precisely how little had changed. Most of my favorite programs work on windows 2000. While I need a third party interface for my wireless card, all the hardware I’ve plugged into it has a driver somewhere. Essentially, I’ll be examining in this post what the fuck exactly Microsoft has changed.

We’ll start with what they’ve done right. Firstly, the 6.x kernel series is pretty boss. The new driver framework is significantly better (or so I’m told). And really, that’s all I can think of that warrants an OS change.

For instance, directx 10 and 11 are pretty fucking pro. However, i can’t think of a reason they haven’t been backported to the 5.x line except for the fact that Microsoft likes money. Aero is nice to be sure, but that’s just a matter of firing out an explorer update. Microsoft markets these updates as a new operating system, but really, for the most part these are all NT4 with a bit of extra makeup slapped on. Microsoft claims to be developing Midori, but we haven’t heard anything about that for years. Chances are it will end up the next Oslo, and Microsoft will keep whoring out the NT line until the old girl collapses under the weight of the collective consumer cock (I’m quite proud of that last bit).

Death and the universe.

Lately I have been doing a lot of thinking about death, and dying, and how the universe actually functions. Of course no one knows this, and some people turn to religion to satisfy their fear of dying, that there is an afterlife in heaven, and there they can live on after death and even be reincarnated.

Of course as an Atheist I can not prescribe to this doctrine, and I must have logical explainations for things, however there is no logic in the operation of the universe in the slightest.

Ever tried to think of what is there, if the universe doesnt exist, or didn’t exist before? Ever tried to imagine the expanse of the universe, the distances from us, sitting here uselessly floating around our little star while a googol (1 followed by 100 zeroes – its actually a number – seriously) other stars and planets do the exact same thing, almost an infinite distance away from us, and yet we have no fucking idea what the hell is out there, why its out there or why we even exist.

Why do we exist? what would the point of the universe be if there was no life? It would be a totally dead vacuum of rocks and debris, of atoms and molecules just floating without purpose. Everything that exists beyond life serves no purpose at all, it just lives as much as a non-living thing can and dies as it is consumed by another non-living thing. In a way the universe is alive, but it is not conscious. We are conscious. Yet our existance is puzzling, why are we here? What is our purpose? Who put us here, or what? and how did we become what we are?

I believe in evolution, and I believe that life was created as an accidental combination of all the right molecules in the right place at the right time, but why? If it happened here, it has happened on the other googol planets too. So there is also intelligent life, probably more so than us out there. Its just a matter of time. They would be wondering the same thing. What is the universe for? and why are they there? they will not be able to explain it for the universe can not be explained. No one lives forever, and eventually everything will cease to exist once again.

But that makes room for the the argument that the universe is infinite; that this universe has happened an infinite amount of times, and that the atoms we are created from, when we die, go on to do other glorious things, but in an infinite amount of time the quarks and electrons and neutrons will all reconnect to create us in our perfect form again, the universe crunching and banging over and over an infinite amount of times, on a loop, until we are created again, over and over and over, infinitely….

…Or is this a universe like groundhog day? when the universe crunches again, does it turn into the same original substance that the big bang was created from? in which case the explosion from the matter being ejected into space would be exactly the same as the first time it happened, and will continuously happen exactly the same, and we are born and die over and over – again infinitely.

Infinite. A number that does not technically exist. But in the universes terms, it must. Trying to think of this is enough to make my head spin, and I can not possibly comprehend it at all. Perhaps the universe is just a one-off. Perhaps after death, we are dead. Perhaps when the sun dies, it is lost forever, perhaps when the atoms fall apart, into their pieces of quark, neutron, electron, other shit (I’m no physicist) they remain floating in the endless vacuum forever. Endlessly. The universe dead. No hope for a reincarnation.

But this is boring is it not? To have the universe end in such a way. This is not a popular doctrine for a reason as it is majorly depressing to think that all of this is a waste of time, and that nothing will come of doing anything – but that is exactly how it works as an infinite universe aswell, but atleast we will live again.

When I used to think about death, I used to think I did not care what happened with my dead body. It was just a shell and I was certainly not using it anymore, but now I think I would like my body to be buried, and a tree grown on top, so that I, and my atoms (which are not mine. they were someone or something elses before yours and mine) can fulfil the needs of another life form, and for that life form to be a fruit bearing tree, my atoms would be further fulfilling the needs of another creature, in turn fulfilling the life of more. The great circle of life.

Which is another thing – The human body is made up of so many thousand different cells all with a different purpose. If you look at the bluebottle jellyfish it is made up of 4 different organisms in a symbiotic relationship. they each help maintain the others and thus sustain their life. However doesn’t the human body work the same way? Were we originally symbiotic organisms, made up of a thousand different parts, that over time merged into one gigantic system. The skin protects us but requires nutrients, which the blood provides, which needs oxygen which the lungs provide. The heart requires the electrical impulse from the brain, and the blood. The cellular structures of everything in the body still hold their original link in the DNA strand, the symbiote has become entrenched in our DNA. In total, we are not one organism. We are several million or more all in a symbiotic relationship. We do not control our organs, they are voluntary for a reason. the brain is entwined with them so they survive, pain, hunger, heat, cold, all to keep our symbiotes from dying. This relationship is great, but when one of the DNA pieces is broken, then comes genetic disease, which is a total failure of one symbiotic organism to maintain the rest of the organisms. The human body is wonderous, but again is another thing we will never understand 100%…though it should not stop us trying.

Anyway, this is a majorly long, ranting philosophical post, I had to get it out on text and into the world as it was taking up valuable thinking space. I feel a weight has been lifted from atop my thoughts. They’re now freer flowing and all is well. This post is also possibly the result of gabapentin, tramadol, codeine, and caffeine, interacting as a chain of chemical reactions in the large chemical reaction chamber of my brain.

Dan out – massive rant out in the public for all to see – my crazy thoughts published on the internet. Perhaps some people will find this too long and not read it. Perhaps some will take it to heart and really think about it. who knows. who cares? I’m just gonna write this again an infinite amount of times. 🙂 Enjoy

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