All posts by Squat

Remembrance Day

Today, the 11th of November is Remembrance Day. The day we remember our fallen soldiers who fought and died for our way of life. Soldiers who were drafted or volunteered, to make the planet a better place. To fight oppression, and for us to live free.

In the Great War, our planet’s first war where countries all over the globe participated, we fought against German Nationalism. Germany sought to absorb the countries around it, relentlessly bulldozing their way through Europe. Further south, the fascist Ottoman Empire was doing the same thing. Australia, New Zealand, Great Britain, The United States, and several countries of Europe and the Middle East fought against these war machines, pushing them back. Forcing Germany to surrender, and leading to the fall of the Ottoman Empire. We fought against fascism and nationalism, and we were victorious.

After the First World War, Australia (and other nations) took in refugees fleeing from their countries. Their homes were destroyed, their families killed, their possessions forgotten. They came from Europe, they came from the Middle East. Many of them did not even know that English was a language and had never heard it spoken before. Yet they came. They integrated, and they made our countries better for it.

During the Second World War, Germany, this time a fascist nation, which grew from the seeds of discontent, again decided to usurp Europe for itself leaving nothing behind. It wanted Great Britain, Russia and even Africa to itself. Several countries – Italy, Hungary, Romania, etc – allied with Germany, out of fear, or because they thought there would be more to gain by allying with them. In the east the Japanese Imperial Army, another fascist, nationalist country, were attacking and absorbing territory from China, Korea, Indonesia, and the rest of South East Asia, attacking the United States in Hawaii, even coming as close as to bomb Darwin, in the Northern Territory of Australia. Their ambitions proved fruitless as again Australia, New Zealand, Great Britain, The United States, Canada, and many other nations joined forces to push back the conquering aggressors and end the war. Once again, the victory went to the forces fighting for freedom, and against fascism.

Once again, refugees fled their former countries, in Europe, in Africa, in Asia. Australia accepted not only refugees but people who just wanted a better life than living in war-torn Europe. Even soldiers who fought for the Axis powers were allowed to immigrate to Australia, rebuilding their lives here. We welcomed them with open arms, they integrated with us within a generation and our culture learned and grew from their input.

The Korean war, and the Vietnam war were the next wars that these allied nations joined together for, fighting the aggressive expanding Communist Chinese in Korea, leading to the liberation of the southern part, which became the Republic of Korea. China supported the Vietnamese bid for independence from the French by providing arms and war equipment, as well as funds and soldiers. We fought this war to prevent the toxic nationalism of China from possibly spreading further through Asia and into the Pacific. Fears that communism and nationalistic policy would make its way throughout the world unless it was stopped fuelled the war that Australian, New Zealand, British and American soldiers (amongst others) died for. Communism and Nationalism was not compatible with our way of life, and we were not prepared to allow it to continue to flow out of China.

The Vietnam War created tens of thousands of refugees who fled in rickety boats from Vietnam. Many of their boats ended up in Australia, their occupants terrified and sick. We allowed them into our nation, we allowed them to integrate with our culture and become Australians. Our cultural backbone once again strengthened with their addition.

The Cold War lasted decades, from after the war until 1991. During this period there was only muted fighting. The Russians had supported the Chinese during the Korean and Vietnamese war. No actual fighting was done between the two great nations of the USA and Russia. However during this period, thousands upon thousands of people fled the Eastern Bloc into the west of Europe, over or under the Berlin Wall to West Germany. To the United States. To the UK, and to Australia. These people have also been important for our cultures.

Our allied powers once again fight against nationalism and fascism in the Middle East, against Al Qaeda, Saddam Hussein, Qaddafi, Assad and the Islamic State. We create refugees because we fight the terrifying ideals of their leaders. Their leaders who want to impose strict religious rule upon the rest of the world. To impose strict fascist laws upon every nation, and to control us with fear and threaten us with destruction. Their ideals that are not shared by a majority of their people, the people who flee towards freedom. The people who escape those countries in the most dangerous ways because it’s more safe to sit in the ocean on a boat barely holding together than stay under the rule of their oppressors for any longer.

We only strengthen our nation with the blood, sweat and tears of people who join our country to live free, who wish only to make their lives in a free country, to have their children in a free country, and for their children and their children’s children to grow up free.

Australia is a free country.

This is what our soldiers died for. Freedom. Against fascism, against nationalism, against war, and for the safety of the oppressed.

Lest We Forget.

Lest We Forget

10 Days on Diclofensine, A Brief Rundown

Quite a while back I purchashed a 1 gram sample of Diclofensine (not to be confused with Diclofenac, which is an entirely different drug all together) – an SNDRI (triple reuptake inhibitor) stimulant/antidepressant. I wrote a 10 day report on my use of the drug, and entirely forgot about it, until I stumbled across it. I decided that it’s probably worth publishing since there is very little information about the drug on the internet. I documented my use and stored it in a notepad as I was intending on cleaning it up and publishing it, but never got around to it. So today, I have polished it up, and will post it here.

Diclofensine – Report of Use

Day 1- 25mg followed by…nothing. Increased dose to 50mg about an hour later and to 75 an hour after that. Felt nothing. Had trouble sleeping, even after Doxylamine + Promethazine.

Day 2- 30mg. Still not feeling anything. Will continue like this for about a week and see if I can obtain any amphetamine, seeing as the drug is a SNDRI.

Day 3 – 44mg. Still not feeling anything. Feeling a massive down tho, probably due to the SSRI and SNRI effects of the drug. Hoping constant application of the drug will cause improvement in mood.

[I do not remember drinking alcohol that night, but the hangover would most likely be from that. I probably did not document that due to the fact that I was incapable of comprehensibly updating the page.]

Day 4 – 40mg with 5mg heavily cut phenazepam. Doubt the phenazepam made a difference. Had a hangover all day. havent noticed the diclofensine yet.

Day 5 – Still nothing noticeable. Took 45mg.

Day 6 – 45mg again. Feeling normal SSRI effects of the drug. Thoughts,  and emotions are becoming numb. Ignoring people because my feelings for them are muted. Isolating myself from other people.

Day 7 – 45mg  – I find smoking a cigar, taking pregabalin or other drugs makes me slightly more social but this drug makes me want to withdraw. Forcing social effects is difficult unless other drugs are involved. Probably have about 7 days of the drug left. Not ordering more. Going to wean myself off with duloxetine, and then stop taking antidepressants entirely. Abuse potential for this drug has yet to be seen.

Day 8 – 55mg – feeling fairly depressed today and im not sure why. Didnt take the drug for about 36 hours after the previous dose though, which may explain it. Althought it seems to be going away, I still feel remnants of depression.

Day 9 – slept all day and most of the night. Felt depressed until dosing with the drug. Feeling a slight dependence to it, but I’m also realising my concentration levels have increased dramatically.

Day 10 – final dose. Nothing spectacular happened after taking almost 100 mg of it. The drug is residual for several days afterwards.  Causes my norepinepherine to massively spike without an NRI present. Finished drug, started duloxetine.

In conclusion, this drug is useful if you’re in need of a good antidepressant that can also help with low dopamine levels. However, it is not particularly useful in its job. Possibly a larger sample with a longer time frame could have given me more data to work with. Unfortunately obtaining this drug is reasonably expensive, and thus getting several grams of it to fully test it would be costly and probably not worth it. It is unfortunate that the testing and use of the drug was not completed by the medical scientists responsible for the creation of the drug, as it would be interesting to see a detailed report on the effects of such a drug.

And there we have it, my report on the drug. Unfortunately I can not remember more of my experience as it was taken about 7 months before this article. I can’t say I recommend taking this drug, but I also think that it really could be useful if taken for the right reasons. Note that this is a research chemical and may cause all sorts of body problems, as it has not been fully lab tested. Buy and use this drug at your own risk. That is all.

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Van Diemen’s Land – The Arsehole of Film

Tonight I was watching a movie at a friends place – Van Diemens Land – a movie made in Australia, about a bunch of convicts who escape the police and end up in the bush. They apparently turn to cannibalism. I have no fucking idea because I didn’t finish watching the movie. However this movie was totally and utterly rage inducing. Never have I watched a movie that brought my blood pressure, body heat, and anger level up so fast.

The first scene in the movie was a close-up zoom of a mans mouth from the side, as he ate fuck knows what. The camera stayed panned in for about 90 seconds, as this fucking cocksucker chewed his shit noisily, and took more bites. At this point I could not bear to stay silent any longer, and my anger made me scream out “PAN THE FUCKING CAMERA OUT FOR FUCKS SAKE”. The camera generally zoomed in on any food if there was some present in the shot, which got really fucking annoying. Did the creator of this movie think it was arty and edgy to include these shots in the film? Because if he did, he deserves to be shot. I’m sure no one wants to stand 10cm away from someone who is eating in real life, why the fuck would anyone want to watch it constantly during a movie? Stupid as fuck.

Another thing was the constant inclusion of gaelic (I think). Sometimes the 7 or 8 prisoners talked in gaelic which brought up subtitles, but other times they spoke in English. For what reason, I have no fucking idea. It didn’t make a goddamned lick of sense in the slightest. How about sticking to one language? The director of this movie is obviously a fucking prick. speaking of pricks, onto the next thing:

Dicks. There were a lot of dicks in the movie. Firstly they beat the shit out of the guard who was keeping an eye on them and stripped his clothes off, so he was naked. His dick was fucking tiny. Like it was non-existant almost. He would have been a prime forum user for MyTinyDick.net. Next they got naked to cross a stream, holding their clothes on their shoulder and wading across the river, which was fucking pointless because their shit got wet anyway, fucking retards. And during this scene we get to see their cocks. 7 scruffy convict wankers and their tiny pencil dicks. I was almost convinced they were gonna start jerking each other off in the water. And I was hoping they would emerge from the water covered in dick leeches. Because fuck you. You deserve dick leeches for agreeing to be in such a shit, annoying fucking movie.

Van Diemen’s Land is a cocksuck of a movie, and I wouldn’t recommend watching it to my worst enemy, let alone anyone else. I give it 2 stars out of 10. The only reason it gets 2 stars is because I feel sorry for the tiny cock dude. Give him some credit for getting his pin dick out on camera. But fuck the rest of the movie. If I ever meet the director for it, I’m gonna shove a fucking steak up his arse and punch him in the mouth. Fuck you.

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Jumping: Too Fucking Difficult For A Jedi

Recently I was watching my friend play Mass Effect 2, and noticed that he had come across an obstacle (a raised section of land) but seeing as the game has no JUMPING, he had to take the scenic route, walking up a ramped section of land for 2 minutes while being shot at. Something he could have avoided had the game included jumping. This seems to be a major fucking flaw with RPGs and even a few 3rd Person Shooters. Why the fuck can’t I just jump over this obstacle? Why was it so fucking difficult to include a jumping button, instead of making me run the fuck around things, and get stuck on sections of land raised 10cm. Notorious fuck-ups in jumping include Mass Effect (and ME2), The Witcher, MMORPG The Saga of Ryzom, Gears of War, and Star Wars Knights Of The Old Republic (and KOTOR2). Apparently Jedi’s have no fucking idea how to jump. Suddenly they’re robbed of one of the powers everyone knows they have – Force Jump. Well done Bioware, you fucking dropped the ball on this one.

Who in the FUCK decides to not include a jumping action for these games? It certainly takes a bit of fun out of the game when you have to walk around every object in your path rather than hopping over them without any difficulty. Mass Effect 2 advertises the fact that it has a shitload of hours worth of gameplay. About half of that must be walking around obstacles you could easily JUMP THE FUCK OVER. Another fuckup is that you CAN jump over cover objects, but you first need to take cover behind them, like some sort of fucking retard. The Witcher also suffers this, making you walk around low fences and getting you stuck on slightly raised objects. Its fucking irritating to the extreme.

Anyway, thats my rant for the day.
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Fun With Promethazine

Yesterday, sporting a niggling hangover that just wouldn’t go away, I started looking for something to take which would dull the hangover or replace the feeling of it with a different feeling all together. I had been reading about how promethazine was not only an antihistamine, but also a central nervous system depressant, which can also potentiate opiates, alcohol, tricyclic antidepressants, and other chemicals. The side effects of promethazine included sedation and euphoria, which sounded interesthing to me, seeing as promethazine is available over the counter at the pharmacy.

Armed with a 50 pack of Phenergan 25mgs, I decided to take a handful of them and see what sort of effects I could get out of the drug. I took my first 75mg dose at around 12pm, and waited a while. Over a period of about an hour, I started noticing the effects of the drug. I felt sleepy and heavy, the visualiser on my music player started looking very interesting, and I stared at it for about 30 minutes. I eventually pulled myself away from staring at it, and went back to IRC, and started chatting away. About an hour and a half after taking the first dose I took another 50mg. I continued to chat on IRC and briefly stare at the visualiser which had started looking better and better as time went on.

About an hour after the 2nd dose, a friend had asked me to play a game of Modern Warfare 2 with him on the PS3, so I took a further 25mg of phenergan and got up to go to the loungeroom. As I got up I noticed I was having a little trouble breathing, it felt like something was sitting on my chest. I was also feeling extremely heavy and reasonably cloudy headed. I sat myself down on the couch and started playing the game, which I was totally shitty at. By this time I was totally buzzing off the drug and feeling so sedated I would have been able to close my eyes and fall asleep sitting up if I had wanted to. I also had a very slight feeling of euphoria, and my limbs were so heavy it took a lot of effort to move around. My breathing was still heavy and laboured but not as much as before I had taken the 3rd dose.

After around an hour of MW2 I went back to my room to chill out in front of my computer. As I got up off the couch, my knees buckled and I almost fell. I could barely stay standing, and movement was clumsy and difficult. I was also feeling disassociated, and nothing around me seemed real. When I sat back at my computer, I could see the room breathing with me, as thought I had taken a lot of pot or acid.

By about 5 hours after the first dose I could barely keep myself awake. Typing was laborious and near impossible. My fingers wouldn’t press the right keys, and they were way uncoordinated to backspace their mistakes. My head was swimming and I thought I felt nauseous and shaky. I got up and grabbed a few breakfast-shake-in-a-box things, and slammed one down, just incase it was hunger I was feeling. They seemed to settle my nausea/shaky feeling and I continued to sit at my computer, staring at winamps visualiser, and chilling out. After about an hour of that I decided that staying awake any longer was going to be impossible. I got up out of my chair and clumsily walked to my bed, knees buckling at every step. Falling into bed I passed out after about 30 minutes or so, around 7:30pm

At around 10pm I woke up for a piss, and found that I was still incredibly high from the promethazine. Everything was hazy and I felt groggy and disoriented. My knees were still buckling as I walked, making it difficult to get anywhere without falling on my arse. By the morning when I had woken up (around 9:30am), the effects of the drug were all but gone, save for a groggy feeling. I also got an awesome sleep and I woke up feeling refreshed.

All in all, promethazine is kinda fun to take a lot of, and from what I’ve read about it, reasonably safe (note: do your own research before you take my word on that), and, as it is obtainable over the counter at the pharmacy, its very easy and cheap to get a hold of. However, the first experience was reasonably good, but I can’t see myself taking such a high dose of it again as it seems to be more a sedative than a euphoric, but I bet it goes great with oxycodone or pot.

Enjoy your drugs responsibly 🙂

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Auditory Hallucinations: The Rundown (Part 1)

Quite often when I find myself taking an excessive amount of drugs, of any kinda, usually opiate based as I come down, I seem to experience some quite random auditory hallucinations. Nothing malicious, just random crap. Oddly enough, I usually hear these hallucinations in a female voice rather than a male, or my own voice. Sometimes the voice is high pitched like a young girl, and sometimes its deeper and more sincere like a middle aged woman. Its quite strange. But I still hear the very odd male voice every now and then.

So in this blog post i will list 20 of the sentences I have heard while hallucinating. Some are funny, some are bizarre and some are just plain fucking stupid. But its always fun to listen to them and write down what they are, so here it goes:

1. “Aww SWIMMING, SWIMMING! HOW ABOUT SWIMMING? Well, FISHING FISHING TOO”
2. “Terry can I buy you a drink?”
3. “Louise, Whats the number in a prime set?”
4. “I heard vegemite paste hit the window”
5. “Were the politics centre in the middle of the universe?”
6. “Smells like chicken *giggle*”
7. “Well then get rid of the eye, I hate it”
8. “Haircuts use Wonka cheese”
9. “I’m just terrified of old grey ladies”
10. “Wall decks, did you apply the wall decks? You’re quite silly”
11. “I couldn’t take your mum flowers, I just couldn’t. They’re made by Gypsies”
12. “What do you think? Sugar cube or sweetner?”
13. “*blabber*..and a few things come down to his surgical operation”
14. “You’re up early. Its 9pm and you’re up early. I’m drinking this wine”
15. “Just do it, go, take the high jump”
16. “Caffeine and coffee are the same thing bro, fentanyl is different by far”
17. “The shirt needs more colour in it, the shirt, needs more colour in it, it needs to be stabilised by a molecule”
18. “Princess Margaret might be driving a Rav 4 if she was still alive”
19. “The bed spreads on, I hope the pole doesnt collapse and crush the crinkle”
20. “If I set a date with a camera man….huh…uh….Spaghetti bolognaise”

And thats todays 20, stay tuned for another time in the next couple of days/weeks when I’m hallucinating again and decide to blog post about it.
Off into the wild blue yonder of drug fueled mental madness I go.
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An Atomic Existence

Have you ever wondered the things your eyes have seen, when they weren’t your eyes? The atoms that build them flowing through the universe since the beginning of time, or if time is non-linear – infinitely. The star they were born in is long dead by now, and they’ve been everywhere throughout the universe, your eyes have seen everything. Yet they can not show you what they have seen, for they can not perceive their surroundings. Unlike yourself. You’ve been lucky enough to have been born as an organism. A piece of the universe, like the stars and the planets, but with absolutely no explanation of your existence. If the atoms you were built from could show you what they have seen, could you perceive it? Would your capacity to understand and to interpret their reality be advanced enough to process the infinite stream of information tied to the atoms? Are we as a part of the universe old enough to even begin to understand the reason for anything? An infinite amount of human races in an infinite amount of universes, all having pondered the purpose for our existence, yet no conclusive cause exists. Do we even want to know? And would knowing make us better for it?

Just something thats been buzzing in my head for a few days. I think I’m going mad, but that might be fun. Who knows?

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Death and the universe.

Lately I have been doing a lot of thinking about death, and dying, and how the universe actually functions. Of course no one knows this, and some people turn to religion to satisfy their fear of dying, that there is an afterlife in heaven, and there they can live on after death and even be reincarnated.

Of course as an Atheist I can not prescribe to this doctrine, and I must have logical explainations for things, however there is no logic in the operation of the universe in the slightest.

Ever tried to think of what is there, if the universe doesnt exist, or didn’t exist before? Ever tried to imagine the expanse of the universe, the distances from us, sitting here uselessly floating around our little star while a googol (1 followed by 100 zeroes – its actually a number – seriously) other stars and planets do the exact same thing, almost an infinite distance away from us, and yet we have no fucking idea what the hell is out there, why its out there or why we even exist.

Why do we exist? what would the point of the universe be if there was no life? It would be a totally dead vacuum of rocks and debris, of atoms and molecules just floating without purpose. Everything that exists beyond life serves no purpose at all, it just lives as much as a non-living thing can and dies as it is consumed by another non-living thing. In a way the universe is alive, but it is not conscious. We are conscious. Yet our existance is puzzling, why are we here? What is our purpose? Who put us here, or what? and how did we become what we are?

I believe in evolution, and I believe that life was created as an accidental combination of all the right molecules in the right place at the right time, but why? If it happened here, it has happened on the other googol planets too. So there is also intelligent life, probably more so than us out there. Its just a matter of time. They would be wondering the same thing. What is the universe for? and why are they there? they will not be able to explain it for the universe can not be explained. No one lives forever, and eventually everything will cease to exist once again.

But that makes room for the the argument that the universe is infinite; that this universe has happened an infinite amount of times, and that the atoms we are created from, when we die, go on to do other glorious things, but in an infinite amount of time the quarks and electrons and neutrons will all reconnect to create us in our perfect form again, the universe crunching and banging over and over an infinite amount of times, on a loop, until we are created again, over and over and over, infinitely….

…Or is this a universe like groundhog day? when the universe crunches again, does it turn into the same original substance that the big bang was created from? in which case the explosion from the matter being ejected into space would be exactly the same as the first time it happened, and will continuously happen exactly the same, and we are born and die over and over – again infinitely.

Infinite. A number that does not technically exist. But in the universes terms, it must. Trying to think of this is enough to make my head spin, and I can not possibly comprehend it at all. Perhaps the universe is just a one-off. Perhaps after death, we are dead. Perhaps when the sun dies, it is lost forever, perhaps when the atoms fall apart, into their pieces of quark, neutron, electron, other shit (I’m no physicist) they remain floating in the endless vacuum forever. Endlessly. The universe dead. No hope for a reincarnation.

But this is boring is it not? To have the universe end in such a way. This is not a popular doctrine for a reason as it is majorly depressing to think that all of this is a waste of time, and that nothing will come of doing anything – but that is exactly how it works as an infinite universe aswell, but atleast we will live again.

When I used to think about death, I used to think I did not care what happened with my dead body. It was just a shell and I was certainly not using it anymore, but now I think I would like my body to be buried, and a tree grown on top, so that I, and my atoms (which are not mine. they were someone or something elses before yours and mine) can fulfil the needs of another life form, and for that life form to be a fruit bearing tree, my atoms would be further fulfilling the needs of another creature, in turn fulfilling the life of more. The great circle of life.

Which is another thing – The human body is made up of so many thousand different cells all with a different purpose. If you look at the bluebottle jellyfish it is made up of 4 different organisms in a symbiotic relationship. they each help maintain the others and thus sustain their life. However doesn’t the human body work the same way? Were we originally symbiotic organisms, made up of a thousand different parts, that over time merged into one gigantic system. The skin protects us but requires nutrients, which the blood provides, which needs oxygen which the lungs provide. The heart requires the electrical impulse from the brain, and the blood. The cellular structures of everything in the body still hold their original link in the DNA strand, the symbiote has become entrenched in our DNA. In total, we are not one organism. We are several million or more all in a symbiotic relationship. We do not control our organs, they are voluntary for a reason. the brain is entwined with them so they survive, pain, hunger, heat, cold, all to keep our symbiotes from dying. This relationship is great, but when one of the DNA pieces is broken, then comes genetic disease, which is a total failure of one symbiotic organism to maintain the rest of the organisms. The human body is wonderous, but again is another thing we will never understand 100%…though it should not stop us trying.

Anyway, this is a majorly long, ranting philosophical post, I had to get it out on text and into the world as it was taking up valuable thinking space. I feel a weight has been lifted from atop my thoughts. They’re now freer flowing and all is well. This post is also possibly the result of gabapentin, tramadol, codeine, and caffeine, interacting as a chain of chemical reactions in the large chemical reaction chamber of my brain.

Dan out – massive rant out in the public for all to see – my crazy thoughts published on the internet. Perhaps some people will find this too long and not read it. Perhaps some will take it to heart and really think about it. who knows. who cares? I’m just gonna write this again an infinite amount of times. 🙂 Enjoy

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